Hesed

This past weekend was spent in Tulsa at Camp Christian. It had been 5 years since I had last been there and it did feel a bit strange being one of the "older" folks at the camp! ; )
It's hard to put into writing what the Lord taught me over the weekend, it's hard to even think of how to write it! Would you like to hear my story anyways? I'd just like to share some thoughts that He placed on my heart today and what caused these thoughts.

I remember a little sigh that escaped my lips as my feet hit concrete yesterday after having been driving 2 1/2 hours back home from Tulsa. Time in the car was precious. It was spent listening to my brother A.P., talking with Cristina and sharing with each other what the Lord has taught us, drinking rootbeer, and while dear Cristina was sleeping I had plenty of time in the quiet car to be silent, listen, and talk with God. Lord, I don't understand! You're too awesome, too wonderful...words can't even describe how beautiful You are! Abba, Father - You laid Your heart down for me, You laid Your strength down for me. What is keeping me from fully grasping that Truth? What is keeping me from grasping that Truth? Sure, many years ago I put my faith and trust in Jesus Christ knowing that He paid for my sins there on the cross - but why do I grow lazy and disconnected with Him? Why can't I just lay my all on that altar? Well, for one, my sinful self would allow it to slither down that altar; meaning I would have to place it back on there again. What was Mr. Heller's point again? How can we be that "living sacrifice?" In order for a believer to live a life "filled with the Spirit" ... we need to be daily reminded that we are committed to Him because He FIRST was committed to us. It is not about me, it's all about Him! His steadfast love, His unfailing love...His lovingkindness.

The thought of His lovingkindness (His unfailing love) couldn't get out of my mind today...because so many times, unfortunately, I feel unloved. And I'm opening myself up abit here, hahaha. My mind is thinking only of the physical side of love, that if "only" this happened or "if only" this person noticed me. Geez, doesn't that sound pathetic? Yep. But let me tell you something. I asked for His help...realizing that this insecurity of mine could only, and I mean ONLY, be healed by my Father in Heaven.

"What is desired in a man is lovingkindness, and a poor man is better than a liar."

Proverbs 19:22

The word "desire" here also means "to crave." As humans, we crave love...and we will do anything to fill that void in our hearts for love, like money or cars or a good name. We try to fill this huge hole that God made with human made items...and yet, only God can really fill it. Did you know that almost every reference in Scripture to lovingkindness is about God and His people? Not a human to another human...but between God and man!

Now - my mind began rolling : )

"Cause me to hear Your lovingkindness in the morning, for in You I do trust;

Cause me to know the way in which I should walk, for I lift up my soul to You."

Psalm 143:8-9

After reading that Psalm, it began driving me crazy what that word "lovingkindness" really meant. So I pulled out my Strongs...#2617. Hesed. *wish i knew how to write in original hebrew here! Next, I got out my Vines and looked at the meaning for this word. Do you know what it said?

"'loving-kindness; steadfast love; grace; mercy; faithfulness; goodness; devotion.' This word is used 240 times in the O.T., and is especially frequent in the Psalter. The term is one of the most important in the vocabulary of O.T. theology and ethics...In general, one may identify three basic meanings of the word, which always interact: 'strength,' 'steadfastness,' 'and love.' Any understanding of the word that fails to suggest all three inevitably loses some of its richness."

My mind was blown away. This past weekend I had just come from had been focused around the fact that without His strength, His steadfastness, His love...we would be nothing! But because of His commitment (Heb.10:5-10), beacuse we are literally dyed in His baptism (Rom.6:4), because sin is CONDEMNED in our old flesh (like a condemned building no longer useable) (Rom. 8), because He was nailed to that cursed tree (Gal.3:13, Deut.21:23), and because He laid His heart (love) and His thigh (strength) (Ex.29:27); because of all these beautiful pictures of love we can give Him our all. We can sing with a loud voice,

Take my life, and let it be, consecrated, Lord, to thee; take my moments and my days, let them flow in ceaseless praise.

Take my hands, and let them move, at the impulse of thy love; take my feet, and let them be, swift and beautiful for thee.

Take my voice, and let me sing, always, only, for my King; take my lips, and let them be, filled with messages from thee.

Take my silver and my gold, not a mite would I withhold; take my intellect, and use, every power as thou shalt choose.

Take my will and make it thine; it shall be no longer mine. Take my heart, it is thine own; it shall be thy royal throne.

Take my love; my Lord, I pour; at thy feet its treasure store; take my self, and I will be; ever, only, all for thee.

His LOVE certainly will never let us go.

The rainbow is a reminder of His commitment to us.

Let us then rise. Wake UP.

Remove ourselves from this world...this is a far country, not our home.

And shine forth His light.

BE filled with the Spirit!

Ephesians 5:1-18

And, in closing, my heart is full. My cup is running over with the beauty of who He is. The fact that it was all found in The Sword of the Spirit is a reminder that He wants us to seek Him out, live for Him, and use the Word of God as a tool to strengthen our hearts.

Oh. About the love thing that made me realize my need to search the Scriptures : )

Let's leave it at this:

"No love of the natural heart is safe

unless the human heart has been satisfied by God first."

-Oswald Chambers